You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
there's paper in my vomit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
