Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
