i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
