I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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