Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
