I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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