I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
