Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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