I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
