i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
