hotel room ftw
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Send help, water and tortillas.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
