I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
