I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
