I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Never joke about your clitoris.
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