Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
