Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
