I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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