I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
