Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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