Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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