I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
