This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We got so high we made milksteak
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
