I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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