I haven't been this sober since birth.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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