I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
