Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
