i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
