your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
