I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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