as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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