What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
