i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
