i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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