Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ugly people sure do ruin things
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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