Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Terrible idea I love it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The Olympian is in my bed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
