Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
