you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
