Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
