I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
