I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
