she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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