Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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