Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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