Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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