I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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