ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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