3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize