Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
