I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize