You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Four minutes until I can fart!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
