the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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