I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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