my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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