Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
