If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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