u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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