Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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