There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
