I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
