EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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