This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
two words...techno handjob
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
