i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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