Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
