In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
