By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
