Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
