go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
