i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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