i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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