My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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