Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
