I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
