he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
