I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
