I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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