My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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