I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
