I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
