You made me cry and you don't even care
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
