u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
false alarm. still invincible.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
