How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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