At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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