don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
MIDGETS
????
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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