You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
