Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
