i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Randomize
