i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
