Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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