Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
