I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
